When it comes to mental health, there are often more lies than truths circulating. The truth is rarely polished or easy to swallow. Here, we name two common myths that keep you stuck in over-functioning, self-blame, or emotional shutdown, and one hard truth.

The Two Lies (The Myths)

We frequently operate under these two false premises:

1. People need to respect your boundaries and if they don’t, you teach them how.
   • This lie feels empowering, suggesting you can “teach” people to honor your limits and reclaim your agency.
2. Boundaries are rules that help people know how to treat you if they want to keep you around
   • This lie suggests clarity, strength, and consequences, sounding like a way to make relationships respectful and reciprocal.

The Truth Revealed:

The reality is different. The hard truth that shifts everything is this:

Boundaries are personal standards that guide how you will treat yourself in relationship with others.

This truth is often the hardest one to hold. This definition shifts the focus away from managing other people’s behavior, and back to your own choices. Specifically, it addresses what you’ll accept, what you’ll engage with, and how you’ll respond when your needs are not met.

The Nuance That Gets Left Out

The idea that boundaries require walking away is often a misconception. Boundaries are not just about walking away. That’s sometimes necessary…but not always. Boundaries can also be a way to stay in relationships while changing the terms of how you show up. They help you choose what’s sustainable, what’s real, and what allows you to care for yourself without disappearing from others.

If you’ve been socialized to please, over-function, or over-adapt, setting boundaries might initially feel like abandonment of others or yourself, when it’s actually a path to connection with less resentment and more self-respect.

Why Therapy Matters

No truth-and-lie blog will teach you how to navigate that nuance on your own. That’s why therapy matters. Therapy helps you discern when you’re protecting yourself, and when you’re just avoiding vulnerability or conflict. It helps you figure out whether the boundary is about leaving – or staying differently.

Written By: Dr. Shatiea Blount, LCSW-C